Ever had days when you don’t even realise how much a thought has bothered you or changed how the day progressed from usual? Just like neighbour, our mind can be a chatterbox – talking away without break. At times it may say something very profound, but most of the time it creeps up unexpectedly, with difficult thoughts. They commonly take many forms, like “I am so stupid”, “Nobody likes me” or “I will never succeed”. The cycle of thoughts, emotions and behaviour form the basis of mental health and are interdependent; so even a random thought has the ability to surge a wave of emotion (ex: sadness) leading to crying, and triggering the cycle to continue. So how and why do these thoughts occur?
Evolutionarily, our minds have grown to think negatively in order to look out for danger and keeping anything harmful at bay. Our primitive ancestors lived in a world with constant danger in the woods, surrounded by predatory animals. Their minds had to anticipate a risk to their life incessantly or it would lead to injury or death. The thoughts acted like warning signs to keep the man vigilant. Although it has evolved to keep us safe and alive, change in the modern world’s functioning calls for a change in how we deal with such situations.
The occurrence of thoughts itself is very natural but they have a way of trapping our attention especially when they “trigger” us, causing us to feel stuck inside the thought, focus on it or spiral into other thoughts. This may lead to us being the judge of what this thought means, probably bringing back memories of behaviours that confirm said thought and ultimately cause frustration or distress. Before you know it, you have been consumed by this thought for hours or even days with no resolve. And where did it all begin? – at just *one* thought.
Distraction and avoidance may help in the moment but for long run, it is important that we learn to deal with such thoughts. One of the reasons our unhelpful thoughts take effect on our mood is due to the judgements we make. As humans, we make judgements on a daily basis – cats are cute, a song you heard was great, a coworker is mean etc. But when those judgements towards ourselves are taken at face value, a once fleeting thought of “I’m useless” or “life sucks” can be considered a fact, eventually leading to struggle and suffering. Additionally, thoughts with words like should, must, right or wrong reveal a rigidity of how we deem life or situations should operate and these rules end up causing trouble if a person identifies with them. But what if it does not have to be this way?
Acceptance and commitment therapy signifies the importance of distancing oneself from these unhelpful thoughts. Take one thought that you get caught up with or are struggling with (ex: I am useless) and buy into it for 10 seconds. Now say the thought to the tune of the happy birthday song at least 2 times. Notice any difference? You might get caught up with the singing and tune so much that the words of the thought lose its strength and stings a bit less than it did previously. While this exercise cannot be done with every thought that pops up in your mind, it puts into perspective the mere string of words (i.e. the thought) we gave into originally.
At the end of the day, distancing oneself from such thoughts might not always dismiss it or enhance our moods, and that’s not the goal to look out for. We should aim to make room for it, and perhaps then it will lessen the struggle and its influence, allowing us to be fully present and engaged in our lives.
