Life can often feel unfair- filled with hardship, pain and confusion. At one point, she was a happy-go-lucky, confident high school girl, the kind you’d expect to be voted “Most popular” or “Most likely to succeed”. But at just 17, everything changed. She developed extreme social withdrawal, was hospitalized, diagnosed with severe psychiatric conditions, locked away in a seclusion room. Over the next 26 months, she endured treatment that only deepened her pain.
“I was in hell,” she later recalled. “And I made a vow: When I get out, I’m going to come back and get the others out of here.”
That girl was Marsha Linehan. And she kept her promise. Dr. Linehan went on to develop Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), a treatment approach that combined behavioural science with mindfulness. At its core, DBT offers a powerful paradox: the need to accept life exactly as it is, while also working to change it.
That’s where Radical Acceptance comes in.
What is Radical Acceptance (and What It’s Not)
Radical Acceptance is the practice of fully acknowledging reality- especially painful or uncontrollable aspects of it- without judgement, resistance or denial. It’s not easy, and it’s often misunderstood. So let’s break it down: what it really means and what it doesn’t.
- It means acknowledging reality – not approving of it.
Radical acceptance is facing the truth, even when it’s painful. It’s not saying what happened was okay- it’s saying, “This is what happened.”
Example: You didn’t get the job. It’s disappointing but you stop replaying how unfair it was and start thinking about what’s next.
- It means letting go of resistance – not giving up.
Accepting reality helps you stop using up energy on how things should be, so you can focus on your next step.
Example: A breakup happens. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re over it, it means you’re not chasing closure that many never come; and you make space for healing and growth.
- It means feeling your emotions – not being consumed by them.
You allow space for feelings like grief, anger or disappointment, without letting them define your actions.
Example: You’re hurt after a friend cancels plans. You can feel disappointed, without lashing out or shutting down.
- It means taking responsibility – not blaming yourself
You take responsibility for your part, while also acknowledging external factors.
Example: You missed a deadline. You reflect, “I didn’t plan well”, and make a plan to do better without calling yourself a failure.
- It means facing pain- not avoiding it.
Pain is a part of life. Suffering comes from denying or resisting pain. Acceptance allows you to sit with the pain instead of escaping it with unhealthy habits.
Example: You get a tough diagnosis. Fear, sadness, anger hits you, but instead of pushing it away. You let yourself feel it. You face the truth gently and then begin to ask, “Okay..how do I move forward from here?”
- It means moving forward- but it doesn’t mean forgetting.
You don’t erase what happened. You just stop letting it define your present.
Example: You had a hard childhood. Acceptance lets you say, “ It shaped me, but it doesn’t define me anymore.”
In moments of loss, trauma, illness or rejection, our mind screams:
“It’s not fair.”
“I can’t handle this.”
“Why me?”
The resistance is human- but it can deepen pain. We get stuck in a loop of what should’ve been. Radical acceptance breaks that loop. It allows you to face what is, fully and gently, so you can respond with clarity, not fear.
Over time, it becomes more than a coping skill. It becomes a way of life.
Conclusion
While Dr. Marsha Linehan named and structured radical acceptance through DBT, its essence lies in ancient wisdom.
Buddhism teaches that suffering arises from resistance.
Stoicism urges us to accept what we can’t control with grace.
Taoism invites us to flow with life, instead of fighting the current.
These teachings echo the core of radical acceptance: meeting the present moment as it is.
For years, Linehan hid her psychiatric history, afraid revealing it would destroy her credibility. In 2011, she shared it publicly- and in doing so she turned her pain into her greatest gift, not by conquering it, but by accepting it radically. When we stop fighting reality, we begin to heal.
So ask yourself:
What part of your life have you been resisting?
And what might open up if you stopped?
