We have all heard it: “Take a bubble bath, eat some chocolate, binge Netflix- it’s self-care!”
Sounds great, right?? But here’s the catch: not everything wrapped in the label of “self-care” is actually caring for yourself. Sometimes, it’s just a dressed-up version of avoidance, procrastination or even self-sabotage.
Let’s talk about what happens.
When does self-care backfire?
Let’s say Netflix binges … an hour break? Sounds great, but those 9-hour marathons we end up taking, and those ‘Just one more episode and I will sleep,’ just leave us stressed, groggy, and behind on everything. Then comes the aspect of our Retail therapy, where I agree treating ourselves occasionally is fine, but maxing out your credit card or losing your savings because “I deserve it?” Future you is crying.
One of the most controversial aspects of this is skipping responsibilities and calling them a mental health day when we really are avoiding tasks that would actually bring relief once done. (Please note that if you are someone who is going through a lot, it’s okay to take a break and not push to an extent at the cost of yourself. ) When did we start overcomplicating routines? Skincare that takes 2 hours or wellness rituals so rigid they feel like homework. That is not care- that is pressure.
Let’s look at this topic in its raw aspect- why do we do this??
It is a reminder that if you are doing this, it does not mean you are lazy or broken; it’s human nature. Sometimes it’s about the instant gratification; our brain loves those quick rewards, even if it costs us later. Most of us adopt the avoidance coping, where we sometimes call it “rest”, where it really just is “I don’t want to deal with this right now”. Some of us could be perfectionists, where we chase an ideal image rather than easing ourselves in the process.. We think self-care has to look like what influencers post: perfect candles, 10-step routines, yoga at sunrise. Let me stop you there: let me remind you it does not have to be that way. Doing the cathartic activity as you love- it is what will make it more effective; it does not have to look a certain way to make an impact.
Now let’s talk about how real self-care looks; like I have mentioned earlier, it does not have to be glamorous or Instagram worthy. Sometimes it’s: Doing the dishes so your tomorrow is less stressful, or going for a walk or calling a friend instead of doomscrolling or maybe even just setting boundaries, even if some people don’t like it. What makes this different is that this self-care should leave you feeling lighter, not guilty or behind or more tired. Finding what truly works for you is the key factor.
Now let’s do a quick check: Do u self-care or self-sabotage?
Ask yourself-
- Does this recharge me for tomorrow, or am I just escaping today?
- Is this helping me grow, or just keeping me stuck?
After being true to yourself, if you feel like you’re leaning towards feelings stuck, it might be sabotage in disguise.
So here comes the actually bigger question: How do we stop self-care from turning into self-sabotage?
Here are a few tips that might help, such as:
- Keep it simple. If you feel your skin care routine is like a second job to you, scale it back.
- Mix comfort with growth, perhaps pair Netflix with finishing a small task first. Pair rest with movement
- Set time limits, enjoy those chocolates, the scrolls, and naps, but with boundaries
- Personalise it, not the meditation type? That is completely okay, don’t force it. Self-care should fit you and not a trend.
- Check with yourself- ask this: “Will my future-me thank me for this?” If yes, it’s real care.
Self-care is not bad- it’s essential. But the goal isn’t to escape life; it’s to support yourself so you can live it more fully. So next time you reach for “self care”, make sure it’s kind on you and cares for all versions of you- today, tomorrow, and beyond.
-Swathi M
